Saying It The Way You Want It

I was busy coaching a group of entrepreneurs yesterday on the subject of using clean language, or as I like to put it, 'saying it the way you want it'.

One of the main questions of the session was, 'how do we talk about ourselves in business usually?'

The two most common options are; to be supportive, complementary of who we are and what we do - or to be our own worst critic, first in line to doubt the big idea - shooting down the dream.

Which one are you?

Here are a few examples of what clean language might look like as opposed to the disempowering/mixed messages we sometimes opt for.

• I really believe I’d be great at this. (clean).
• I'm not sure, but I think if all goes well and I don't run out of money first I might be good. (disempowering!!!!).
• I will take these steps because they will lead me forward. (clean).
• I'll try, and if I don't fail who knows where they'll take me. (disempowering!!!!!)
• What I really want to do is this. (clean).
• I don’t know what I want. I did want to do this, but I worry I won’t get support and I'll look a fool and I won’t be any good. (Disempowering!!!!!)

Of course, I accentuated the disempowering phrases, or did I?

The aim is to decide once and for all to only use clean language, 'saying it the way you want it', is a prerequisite for successful business.

Top tips

1. Listen and become aware of how many times you downgrade, belittle or somehow garble what it is you really mean to say - and say just what you mean instead!

2. Make a list of all the negatives you use during normal conversation. 'Can't, won't, don't, shouldn't' etc. Thing is, your unconscious mind doesn't process negatives - it takes everything as a positive; so 'I don't want that' really means, 'I do...' Think about business meetings, deals and general situations where you just haven't got what you actually wanted. did you actually state it clearly, in the positive, exactly what that was?

3. Look at your business & marketing plan and see if it can be written in a more positive, enthusiastic, fun, strong, and energetic way. Plans become reality when we work 'on' them as well as immersing ourselves 'in' them. Remember; they need developing and growing just as surely as you grow and develop.

For more info and top tips on how to clean up your language and 'say it the way you want it' click here for my latest online e-programme 'Communication Skills Upgrade' now.

Brave New World

So we have a new government here in the UK, and with the first official coalition in 70 years, the chance of some new, more consensus politics.

As an NLP trainer I look for clues in body language, the type of words being used, and even the way they're spoken, to indicate what is really being said. What I've noticed since the decision was made yesterday to form a new government is how some people in the political bubble of Westminster have reacted to their new reality.

Gordon Brown, though I'm sure with a heavy heart, looked so much lighter and natural during his resignation speech, as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

David Cameron and Nick Clegg seem to have grown in stature, looking in awe and anticipation to their roles ahead, and whilst it's obvious by the use of body language David Cammeron is in charge, the two men seem very at ease with and liking each other. I think they'll work very well together.

William Hague seems to have grown the most, in that through the various sound bites with media during the negotiations, he showed humility and respect for his position and part in the process with his former opponents.

George Osborne, the new and youngest ever Chancellor of the Exchequer, seems more nervous. I had the opportunity to attend one of his briefings during the election campaign, and whilst proficient and obviously knowledgeable, again he seemed slightly overawed by the occasion/his position.

Finally, Vince Cable - whilst a popular figure in the media, what he didn't say spoke louder than what he did when interviewed about his new position in the cabinet this morning. I'm sure he's grateful to be in government...and do I think he's happy at the prospect of compromising some of his political values? I don't think so.

Whilst Britain has a difficult period ahead in reducing the deficit, the certainty a new government brings to the markets and the country may well make the road ahead easier, and a little lighter to tread.

Let's wish them, and all of us, well.

UK Election Special

Something changed a couple of days ago when Prime Minister and Labour leader Gordon Brown spoke at Methodist Central Hall. Perhaps for the first time he let his usual veneer and fake smile fall, and instead showed potential voters his passion. Always a double edged sword for Gordon, as obvious belief for what he does has so often in the past lit the short fuse towards a temper tantrum.

Knowing how to manage, and channel, passion has been one of the defining factors in this election. With the welcome addition (finally) of The Leader's Debates on television, the rules have changed. It's no longer enough to simply spend the most and run the slickest campaign, with the 'Debates electioneering just got a whole lot more personal.

Nick Clegg, of the Liberal Democrats, initially found it easiest to adjust to the greater 'real-time' scrutiny of the televised debate. Though as the campaign has progressed it's again come back to the message and of what it is he's actually saying. Even the great sound bite 'if you've had enough of the two old parties, then choose us' has a shelf life, and that seems to have coincided with the last Leadership Debate.

Conservative leader, David Cameron, whilst the most eloquent and television friendly, has wisely spent most of the time trying to be seen to be meeting the most 'real people'. Having the 'too posh to win' mantle to live down has been the toughest of all mountains to climb, as most of the population did not go to Eton or become a member of The Bullingdon Club. Many months of rolled-up shirt sleeves, casting aside the jacket, buying and eating snack food from a market trader, being genuinely open to questions in schools, colleges, factory floors, and the like have all been engineered to cement in potential electors minds 'I'm one of you, just like you – it's not where we came from that counts, it's where we're going to instead.' (another sound bite, naturally). Margret Thatcher had a much easier journey to becoming Prime Minister, 'grocer's daughter done good', whereas David coming from perceived privilege and then becoming 'one of the people' – much more difficult.

So, back to Gordon; his infamous short fuse, fake smile that fools no one, lack of natural interpersonal skills, and 14 years of experience/baggage notwithstanding, by just letting his hair down and throwing caution to the wind over the past 2 or 3 days and telling people not only what he wants, but more crucially why it means so much to him, might now be about to stage the biggest political comeback in recent history.

…and who do I want and think might win?

Conservative/ Labour, in that order.

Networking Skills (Part 3)

How you nurture and take care of your business network can have such a positive impact on your business.

I'm sharing these simple steps to help make sure you're in the absolute best position to grow your business.

Today's Networking Skills (Part 3) discusses the importance of following-up.

1. For recent contacts; always follow up with a friendly email or Linked-In invite. No sales please - blatant or sneaky. Business people are intelligent, clued-in, switched-on people – and they can spot a sales pitch even when you think you'll try and sneak one past them anyway. The truth is, it doesn't work, it's says more about your heavy, clunky style of business than it does about re-establishing a business contact. Not nice at all. Keep your email light, hospitable, friendly, '…and if there's ever anything I can do for you' etc.
   
2. For contacts more than a couple of months old, always begin by reminding them of when and where you met. If you had a particularly interesting or funny conversation, or something unusual happened whilst you were talking include that too, it'll increase the likelihood your contact will remember who you are. Next, apologies for being remise with getting in touch. There is no other way around this. By not mentioning the fact that you took too long, you're skirting around the obvious (you're lying), yet by apologizing and saying you want to be in contact now, you're being honest and up front – and that's so much more attractive in the world of business.
   
3. Finally, if your ex-contact doesn't reply, treat it as valuable feedback and respect their decision not to respond (for whatever reason). You don't need the details. Just delete the email address and move on. Look at this as a valuable lesson towards the importance of following up leads more quickly in the future.
   

That's it for this time. Begin going through that big pile of neglected business cards today on your desk or bookshelf today, and by the next time I blog midweek you'll be well on your way to re-establishing contacts as well as tidying up and fine tuning your new networking strategy.

Wishing you an amazing week.